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There was a time where I did everything in my power to ruin my romantic relationships. No matter who the man was or how much I loved him or he loved me, I’d squash the relationship like a bug. Often times I didn’t even realize that I was sabotaging my relationships. Most of the time I blamed my exes. Eventually, I realized that the common denominator was me.

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Why would anyone destroy their love? Blame a lack of confidence and little self-worth. But I won’t bore you with my abandonment issues. Instead, I will share five signs that you may be self-sabotaging your relationship.

1. You find something wrong with everything.

That means you are never satisfied. If you find yourself nitpicking at his clothing choices, the way he speaks, or even his romantic gestures, you are not only killing his confidence, but you are also killing the relationship.

2. You haven’t cut off your ex.

I don’t mean you shouldn’t be friends with your ex, but you shouldn’t carry on a relationship with him as if he were your BFF or your man. If you find yourself holding on to an old flame, you may still have feelings for him. If he treated you badly, you may not believe you deserve better. This connection will ruin your current relationship.

3. You are jealous.

I’ve spoken about the effects of jealousy at length in this post. Trust me — jealousy will chase your man away. He may think it’s cute at first. “Oh, she loves me so much she is jealous!” Soon, he will feel controlled, and in turn, like less of a man. Remember: Jealousy is not love. Handle your green-eyed monster or say “adios” to your love.

4. You are needy.

By needy I mean clingy. You call all the time. You cry all the time. You reek of self-pity. No matter how beautiful you are or how much your man loves you, neediness will push him away. No one wants to feel like the person they love cannot live without them. Be the independent and confident woman he fell in love with, or prepare to lose him.

5. You pick fights.

Couples argue but sometimes women pick fights just to self-sabotage. If you argue all the time about everything, hostility will consume your relationship. You and your man will be miserable. And misery only takes a relationship so far. Cool your jets and realize that your anger is less about him and more about you. It’s either that, or lose your love.